Slow Day = Wandering Thoughts
Sometimes I dont mind slow days at work bcuz it means it'll be a stress free day and I can do other things online/whatever to pass the time.
Other times I do mind it bcuz it means my mind has the freedom to wander where I dont want it to go. Stress ovr things I'd prefer not to. Think. Too much.
Like my see-saw of like/dislike (this will prob be a common theme in my posts for many years to come lol). One day I like him. Next day I dont. Or not that much. Its a defense mechanism. I kno. I like to keep the upper hand in the situation. I try to keep it so if I had to walk away/if it ended...it wuld just be another day. Dust the dirt off my shoulder and K.I.M. (Keep It Movin). But this of course means I'm not totally checked in to the "Lets see where this goes" Hotel. I always have one foot in the door and one foot out.
In one respect its not fair to the guy bcuz I'm not givin it 100%, I'm apprehensive & guarded. But on the other hand..its just the lets see how it goes stage..we're not in a relationship. Both parties have to put in that work to show the other person that they're willing to give their all, be truthful & faithful etc. Talkin..he!! evn datin is nothing guaranteed...each person can do whatever cuz there is no committment. So until then I think its ok to be guarded in some ways. And until I feel like I'm gettin a lot of effort..I aint tryin to give a lot of effort.
The one unfortunate thing bout this see-saw...is that da*n..for once...this guy really isnt that bad. So why cant I just go with the flow?!?!? In some ways I need more...more reassurance...and just more in general..but I kno I have to wait a few weeks b4 that can happen. Not real good with the patience thing or with goin w. the flow when it comes to guys.
*sigh* OK. I'm tired of thinkin/overanalyzin.
Other times I do mind it bcuz it means my mind has the freedom to wander where I dont want it to go. Stress ovr things I'd prefer not to. Think. Too much.
Like my see-saw of like/dislike (this will prob be a common theme in my posts for many years to come lol). One day I like him. Next day I dont. Or not that much. Its a defense mechanism. I kno. I like to keep the upper hand in the situation. I try to keep it so if I had to walk away/if it ended...it wuld just be another day. Dust the dirt off my shoulder and K.I.M. (Keep It Movin). But this of course means I'm not totally checked in to the "Lets see where this goes" Hotel. I always have one foot in the door and one foot out.
In one respect its not fair to the guy bcuz I'm not givin it 100%, I'm apprehensive & guarded. But on the other hand..its just the lets see how it goes stage..we're not in a relationship. Both parties have to put in that work to show the other person that they're willing to give their all, be truthful & faithful etc. Talkin..he!! evn datin is nothing guaranteed...each person can do whatever cuz there is no committment. So until then I think its ok to be guarded in some ways. And until I feel like I'm gettin a lot of effort..I aint tryin to give a lot of effort.
The one unfortunate thing bout this see-saw...is that da*n..for once...this guy really isnt that bad. So why cant I just go with the flow?!?!? In some ways I need more...more reassurance...and just more in general..but I kno I have to wait a few weeks b4 that can happen. Not real good with the patience thing or with goin w. the flow when it comes to guys.
*sigh* OK. I'm tired of thinkin/overanalyzin.
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