Random Ventings and Such

Winter seasonal depression is def kicking in.

Cant wait for spring. Flip flops. warm weather. no coats. cute clothes.

Your poor communication skills work to my advantage some times.

Not to say that mine are perfect...but they r better than urs.

I dont even get frustrated anymore for the most part bcuz it is to be expected. Sad how predictable.

I'm not really sure who u r. I thought I knew but have realized that I was wrong. I think. There's two "you's". The one you present when you are trying to be on my good side and then the actual you. Or the good you and the a$$hole. Maybe these two people combined represent the total you..but idk. I'm confused. I remember when u said that most people dont undrstand u and I'm one of the few that does. I believed that at the time but now I think I would have to disagree. I'm just as confused as every1 else.

Or...maybe I do get it more than I'm willing to admit. Bcuz somehow understanding you is a reflection of me. And not a pretty reflection.

k..spendin too much mental energy on this. Its pointless.

I hate ambiguity.

I dont have the patience to deal with u.

I'm already preparing myself for the silent treatment my sister will be giving me. I really need to have a talk with her bcuz we're gonna keep running in2 the same issue if I dont. She's the only person I struggle telling her how i feel if its anything negative.

Growing pains.

I've began my new position at work and I'm liking it thus far. Still lookin for a new job tho.

I get annoyed with myself when I'm too kind to my co-worker. I did nuthin to her and have no reason to feel bad.

I really wanna bcome fluent in spanish. I understand it bettr than i can speak it but i've forgotten sooo much. I love when my co-worker speaks to me in spanish cuz it helps me to practice. I have CDs but lent them to my dad. Need to get those back.

Just sent a text to my sis. Preparin myself for cuss words lol. IDK. I just dont think that evrytime she comes in2 town i have to go to where she is but she can go visit othr ppl. Shes been to house like once..mayb twice. I dont wanna b around ur fam...i barely am around my own extended fam. She always says shes gonna come ovr and then dont. So sorry, i hav been havin a hard time leavin my house and it happens to b on the weekend ur here. My dad needed help w sumthin and came ovr cuz i wasnt leavin my house. If she wants to meet up sumwhere then i can suck it up but if i got to go to where u are. naw im good. not this time.

I need to work on my passive agression. lol.

I'm a nice person but I dont like to cater to ppl. I cant always do what u want. U gon have to meet me sum of the way its just that simple. Fam or no fam. He!! sumtimes esp w fam. Just cuz we related dont mean i'm supposed to do all the work.

I love my sis its just....sum things i've put up w. for too long. Yes ur older but we're both adults. Shoooo i'm bout to be thirty. Just cuz i dont have kids/a hubby dont mean i can run at ur beck and call.

One of the main issues tho is that i never really hang out with my sis just the two of us. Eithr her kids are they or her hubby or her friends or her fam. I dont hav a prob spending time with HER doing sumthin we agree upon...but when u add othr folks I can do with it or without it. If u only invite me to do stuff with u and othr ppl...y do i wanna run to do that? And if its always what u wanna do well then i can just stay my a$$ at home. And one of the MANY reasons I've cut my older bro off is he nevr initiates hanging out w me. Just the two of us. So then no I dont wanna go to ur functions or hang w u and ur grl if u cant make the time just for me. I kno that as we get older othr ppl come into the equation but u still have to make individual time for ppl. Just like i spend time w/ my dad alone..and with my mom alone...etc.

My sis knows me but then she doesnt kno me. She dont really know the "i aint puttin up with ur sh!t" me bcuz she can be an a$$hole and we wuld just butt heads like crazy. So either I'm either passive or passive agressive with her. And I need to work on being more assertive. Now my other siblings know me quite well lol..but I didnt grow up w my sis so i save sum parts of me away from her. And now that she no longer livs here its hard to allow her to get to kno all of me.

*sigh*

That was an epiphany.

I dont know how or when I will be able to say these things to her.