The sister/sibling chronicles

For most of my life I have had a low tolerance for bs but as Ive gotten older my tolerance has almost become non existant. My two older siblings tend to take me there instantaneoulsy. And while I have no prob lettin my older bro kno how i feel whethr its pretty or not. I struggle with my sister. Partly due to I did not grow up with her and did not hav a relationship with her til I was 19. I dont want to jeaopardize our relationship that we have now but sumtimes I just get so tired. I'm not sure how we got her but we're here. IDK if bcuz shes not totally happy in her life she takes stuff out on me, or if I just went with the flow for too long & now I'm fed up. I'm too grown to just sit bak and let chips fall as they may. One of the things Ive been workin on is addressin thngs as they come and not being whatevr about it. 2nite my sis took sumthin totally little out of porportion! It was so silly she actually got the wrong idea and its like why dont u get that that was not my intention?! She almost killed the lil buzz i got goin on from sippin but I aint gonna let it get to that point. IdK. I have a tendency to cut ppl off quickly without remorse and I sumtimes want to not talk to my sis. For the past yr...its always sumthin! I've written about my sibling saga in my blog numerous times. I mean I dont talk to my bro unless I see him at my folks house on holidays. And I barely talk to him there. A person can only take so much b4 they cant deal anymore. & I kno I have to luv my bro from a distance. & now I'm like d*mn...is this bout to happen with my sis too? Mayb its not them its me?

I think that its hard to accept a person as they change. Sorry I'm not the lil sis that does as u say whenerv u say. I dont have to appease u in order to have u in my life...and if thats not tru then I dont need u in my life cuz a ppl pleaser aint who I am. When I was younger I did as my older siblings said cuz they were older and I wanted to respect them. But now as we are adults...I only hav to listen to my parents and even they cant tell me how to live my life cuz I'm a grown a$$ woman!

Part of the prob is my sis doesnt really kno who I totally am and when i'm bein true to myself she gets like wtf?

I'm just tired. Tired of conflict. Tired of bein annoyed. Tired of not expressin myself for fear of retaliation. Just d*mn tired.

It shuldnt be this hard. Or Tedious.

*sigh* let me finish my drink