Reunited and it feels.........confusing

"She wants that old thing back"~Jay-Z

 

 

Naw, no I dont. Well....maybe I do.

 

 

OK, if you have been reading my blog for many years, you may remember a lotta ranting about a guy named "D". If you havent or dont remember, the year was 2008.

 

How can I sum up D. Well we dealt with each other off and on for six tumultuous  months. There was just a lot going on. Between him possibly having a g/f or at least a "situation", to late night arguments due to frustrations, to wanting more from the other that the other wasn't willing give, to basically sum it up a hot a$$ mess! It wasn't all bad but it wasnt all good.

 

I used to call D the prototype. Out of all the guys I have ever dated, talked to, been in a relationship with...he is the one. The one with the most of what I want in a guy, the one my mind has at times wandered to and thought "what if", the ONLY one I was ever scared of falling for.

 

The end was kinda bad with me giving a private and public cussing out to him. Ultimately, I was tired of the bs. We werent going anywhere, and would never go anywhere, at least at that time.

 

D is also the only guy from my past who I never want to be on bad terms with. So I was relieved when I saw him in a club roughly two years later and everything was cool.

 

Fwd to a few years later. Maybe last year or the year before.

I found him on facebook and saw that he was in a relationship, seemed happy, had a new baby. So I was like ok, D bout to get married lol. Good for him. (I aint a hater).

So I decided to leave his fb be bcuz hes moved on and bout to get locked down.

 

Buuut a few months later, curiousity got the best of me so i decided to check his page. And i noticed he no longer was with ol girl.

 

Interesting.

 

Fast fwd to earlier this year. I thought I blogged about this but somehow I didnt. He messaged me via fb on some ol I been thinkin bout you, I want to see you...blaahhh blaaahhh.

 

So we met up. It initially was a you did this, and I did this, and this wasnt my fault, and you were trippin all the d@mn time etc etc. Not in an argumentative bad way, bit it felt like he had some things he wanted to get off his chest! And I had an issue or two as well. but I got to the point where I told him listen, if we ever are gonna move forward and at least be kewl, we have to leave the past in the past and stop rehashing it. He agreed but I could tell he was still feeling some type of way. I admit that our issues were not only his fault, I played a part in them too, but neither of us can change the past right?!

 

Seeing him though I realized dang, he was on that bs bakindaday but I still like him.

 

craziness.

 

We left things kind of like we kewl, nice to see you, see u when i see u.

 

over the next several months we sporadically talked and I think have gained clarity and insight on some things. I think with time have been able to leave some things in the past. some.

 

Three weeks ago I hung out with him again. It was fun. It was lighthearted. We talked about some stuff but mostly we enjoyed each others company. I told him that I wanted him to get to know the 30 yr old me and not perceive me as the same person I was at 24 (soooo long ago...cant believe it) and I will try to do the same for him. I'm not sure that he will fully be able to do that but we will see.

 

OK...whew. caught up? great!

 

So last weekend I went out of town and did the no no of drunk texting D. It wasnt bad but I didnt realize until the next sobered up day that he had asked me what we were and I told him nothing much.

 

When I read that the next day I was mortified. I didnt mean to say that! I thought he was askin sumthin else smdh.

 

So I ended up texting him and we talked. right now we are friends which I think is a good thing. we are both open to maybe progressing down the line but we both need certain things to be in place for that to occur.

 

My goodness! I cant believe that 6 years later me and D  A) are friends B) still have some sort of connection/like/feelings towards each other and C) are considering even if only in our brains and nothing actually happens....dating???

 

What in the world is goinz on!?

 

I will say this. I will prob always like him, he will always be special. i dont know if we will ever get to the point where we can put our bs and issues aside and truly date one another. but what i do know is that i'm open to whatever transpires as long as theres no hurt/pain involved.

 

I always wondered if we truly gave each other a chance, would it be good, or not.

And I have seen some growth in him which is nice. If I tell him something bothers me I have seen an effort on his part to do better. And if he didnt care he wouldnt try at all right?

 

So we'll see. I like him and enjoy talking and spending time with him. so I'm just rockin with it.


~Soulstress